Sunday, July 10, 2016


Safe to say, neither of us is this hot.
Maybe I deserved it. That’s what that prudish inner voice tells me. (Why can’t I find its mute button?) But maybe I even wanted it to happen. I got stood up for a hookup. At his place. When does that ever happen?

I felt especially nervous as I got ready to head over. Didn’t help that I read a chapter last night about Jeffrey Dahmer and a London serial killer of gay men. Also didn’t help that my last hookup had been lackluster. The guy I was meeting looked more like the sweet guy-next-door type I wouldn’t mind dating. Could something more come from this?

At the last minute, I realized I’d forgotten to shave. I didn’t want my whiskers to scratch up his face in the event of a passionate kissing session so I quickly ran the electric shaver back and forth across my face, leaving my skin burning from the wrong kind of touch. By the time I’d waited for the elevator and gotten in my car, it was clear I’d be late. 2:57 and we were supposed to meet at 3. And then came red light after red light, an elderly woman taking baby steps to cross with her walker at a stop sign and an out-of-the-blue parade of dozens of cyclists who continued to cross at an intersection after I had the green to go. It’s not meant to be, that dang inner voice taunted.

But I knew I had to reach my destination. Had to show I tried. And so I drove on as perspiration painted my underarms. A bad first impression. Hopefully I wouldn’t have the shirt on for long. I parked the car and searched for the street address. #1288. Not there! There was townhouse #1280, an alley and then a twenty-floor condominium marked as #1290. I walked through the alley, searching for a hidden door, a yurt or a rickety shed. Anything would have been welcoming. But no. Had the asshole given me the wrong address on purpose?

But then I checked the address I’d entered on my phone: #1228. Putz. Late-onset dyslexia sucks. And so, finally, thirteen minutes late, I pressed the doorbell. I heard it chime. I waited, fanning my shirt and running my tongue across my teeth in case there was a food particle lodged between molars or canines or whatever the other ones are called. After a minute, I knocked on the door…just in case that doorbell chime I heard was something I’d imagined. Alas, there was no a peep to be heard from within.

It’s rude to be late, my Prudish Inner Voice reminded me. Even for a booty call. (In truth, I’m stunned my P.I.V. knew the term “booty call” and more embarrassed that I don’t know if it fit in this context.) Maybe this guy was making a statement. Maybe he headed to the gym or the grocery store after waiting five minutes. Or what if he was making a different statement. Had he peeked from his second floor window as I locked my car and noted the five extra pounds since my profile pic? Had he spotted the sweat stains on my too tight t-shirt? Had he simply realized he could do better and turned out the lights, waiting for me to go away?

If I felt bad about the prospect of hooking up, I felt worse walking back to my car. And, yes, a little relieved. I have to keep reminding myself, it’s just sex. This despite the fact I’ve always wanted sex to be something more.

Back home, I went online and there was a message. “Running half an hour late. Sorry. Can we make it 3:30?” I suppose if I’d been spiteful, I’d have not replied. Let him wonder who flaked on whom.  But, no, that’s not in me. I only thought of that now as I write this. Instead, I let the guy know I’d shown up, that my work phone doesn’t let me check messages on hookup sites and that maybe we’d meet some other time. Maybe meaning never. The whole experience had done enough to fracture my fragile self-esteem. Next time someone else could have a crack at it.


oskyldig said...

At least he let you know... that's more than some people would have gotten.

I had a date with a guy once, to teach him how to play tennis, and he showed up 2 hours late with a "I'm running late" 1.5hours into me waiting. I guess that just says how pathetically desperate I was for the date to happen, because I sat at the park waiting for 2 hours.

Rural Gay Gone Urban said...

Well, I would wait for two hours--not for a date, but for a chance to play tennis. It's my favorite sport and, alas, I can no longer find people to play. Everyone my age brings up a litany of aches and pains whenever I suggest a game.

But back to the dating world, I hate that you waited two hours. You're too kind. It does, however, remind me of my first date with the first guy I ever fell in love with. I showed up two hours late (after several profusely apologetic phone calls) and somehow managed to turn it into a lovely evening. I don't know if it's desperation on your part or just a sense that maybe he's a good man worth waiting long as he makes it up BIG TIME. Did he?

oskyldig said...

He seemed like a nice guy, and we went on another really nice date in town after that. But when he started to get flaky and "Oh I didn't call you because a shelf fall onto my leg" I got all bitch, pls. I remember being so furious while I was at the airport (like I was every day changing busses), and I remember saying something bitchy like, did the shelf prevent you from dialing a phone number?

He had potential, but was a mess of a person. A bit too good looking for me too. I really liked him, but at the time I was more self-righteous and "I deserve better." I also always got the impression he was projecting an image that wasn't who he was, it was a bit strange.

Rural Gay Gone Urban said...

I suppose it's good that interaction came and went, considering he sounded neither real nor together to you. And, of course, you deserved better.

Bella Collins said...

I also had dated recently with a guy and it was just great day. We both reached coffee shop on time and had wonderful talk about our favourite stuff. I met that guy on an online Gay Hookup website. We would continue meeting in future too.