Tuesday, September 2, 2014

LEAGUE SUSPENSION

I think you’re out of my league.

Well, here’s a role reversal. A guy online thinking he’s not good enough for me.

My response: “Silly man. That whole ‘league’ thing is a dating myth.”

Even if there are leagues, I quit. I don’t need that kind of organization. None of us do. There is no caste system in gay dating.

Just be.

Chat. Meet. See for yourself.

That’s always made perfect sense to me, especially when someone else initiates the league talk. In this moment, I am living it. No fear. Put things out there, see what happens. Or doesn’t.

Gotta try. Gotta live.

It’s intimidating communicating with you. You’re a Greek god and so well-rounded. I’m just me.

Oh, I know that negative self-talk--lifting someone up while assuming one's place in quicksand. Who is he talking about anyway? Maybe he’s mixing up the online profiles. Silly man, indeed.

I’m tired of talking myself out of possibilities. Sure, Doubt still festers within me, but I’ve been catching him and cutting him off. It’s working so far. No doubt, he thinks I will lose my resolve. He’ll have my ear again and he’ll unleash all he’s been storing up. And another thing…!

But if I cling to profanity, I can hold him off. “Fuck it” sounds crass but it’s working for me. Doubt and Hesitation don’t know how to respond. As they take time to regroup, I move on. Let’s see who prevails after the next bad coffee date.

But I’m not anticipating a bad date. I plan to meet that silly man, referred to above. I’m confident that I will make my best possible impression. And I hope he’ll be ready to do the same.

No more league, no more rules. Time to navigate a wholly original course.

Ready.

Set.

Go.

2 comments:

Rick Modien said...

I'd say it's not a good sign when someone who's interested in you thinks he's out of your league before he's even met you. Either that's false modesty talking, or he really doesn't think he's good enough. (When will we all get and accept our self-worth, just by being here?)

But I admire your new attitude, RG, and your give-it-a-try gusto. (Oh, and I LOVE your response to doubt and hesitation. Put them in their places. Clearly, they have no place in your life–not anymore.)

Rural Gay said...

For me, Rick, if there is a concern it's that this guy may have too high expectations of me. He mentioned how it was intimidating messaging me and I assured him that I have NEVER intimidated anyone.

I do think it's a modesty issue for him. He's from Newfoundland and the folks I've met from there are super genuine, humble and downright refreshing. We'll see if he fits that stereotype.