SO FAR AWAY

I often say a long-distance relationship suits me. I like my time with my partner, but I also value time on my own. As an introvert, I can never seem to get enough quiet time to myself. 

 

But having returned from Evan’s home in Denver three days ago, I haven’t settled in the way I usually do. I know a big part of it has to do with the fact I’m flying again at the end of the week to Canada’s East Coast for a conference that I’ll stretch into a week of travel. So, yes, the suitcase only gets a brief period in my closet before another round of packing. Vancouver doesn’t feel like home at the moment; instead, it’s a pit stop. 

 

But backing things up a bit, I didn’t want to fly home from Denver in the first place. I’d been there three weeks which is about as long as any of our visits, but there was nothing beckoning back in Vancouver. Even my introverted ways were subdued rather than begging for respite. 

 

I suppose that means our relationship is continuing to grow after four years together, always living in different cities with Evan first in Seattle, then Denver. Each time I visit, Evan says, “I wish you weren’t going. Can’t you change your flight?” This time, instead of saying no, I offered an alternative version of yes. I might drive back in a couple weeks’ time with the intent of staying for two months. 

 

Big step.

 

Of course, there’s the obvious—it would be our longest time together. But a two-month stay also changes the dynamics in terms of what is legally permissible. I am only allowed to visit the U.S. for a day less than half the year and a two-month chunk all at once eats up a lot of visitation time, frontloading the year. I’ve already been in the U.S. for five or six weeks so more than half of my year’s allotment will be eaten up after this extended trip. It means we’ll have to plan more carefully for the second half of the year. It’s like eating too much pie all at once and then having to spread out and savour the last bites, although not to such an extreme.

 

Evan can, of course, visit me in Canada as well, but he’s just started a new job and can’t get away as often or as long. Again, his trips, when even possible, will need to be thoughtfully scheduled over the rest of the year. 

 

It’s not a bad problem to have. Four years in, we want to see more of each other. We want to see how we handle being together for a longer chunk of time. In the meantime, it feels like I’m stationed in Vancouver, feeling like it is but a stopover, trying to make the most of my normally coveted downtime. 

 

My, how a relationship changes everything!