This is an abridged version of a post from earlier this week. Less about me, more about you. How can you cope if you’re struggling with mental health during COVID-19?
I know that many people who generally fare better in non-pandemic times are struggling now. There’s unemployment and underemployment. Some jobs have become more stressful due to heavier workloads or new ways of operating. Extroverts may be feeling isolated, connections online failing to fill the void from loss of in-person interactions. Families have struggled with prolonged separation. Older people and persons with compromised immune systems feel more vulnerable each time they step beyond home. Mental health issues like depression and anxiety and feelings of doom and helplessness can be debilitating.
If I can share anything constructive based on my own struggles, it’s that it is best to share one’s thoughts and feelings. Even though this is a global problem, it affects each person differently. Gone are the days of “sucking it up” and “going it alone.” It helps to talk things out. It eases some of the pressure that builds inside when negativity swirls and stagnates.
Know that people won’t always be good listeners. Many people get uncomfortable hearing about another person’s discomfort. They jump in too soon with advice that’s often simplistic and off the mark. Sometimes it’s best to just nod and move on to trying to talk with another person, but I’ve found that all people do better with a little coaching. Tell them what you need.
Stop. I just want you to listen. (You may have to say this many times. People always want to jump in. In addition to thinking they have quick-fix, cure-all advice, they are bursting with anecdotes to share. Listening is a skill that requires practice.)
I’m not looking for advice. I don’t expect you to solve things.
It just helps if I feel heard. I need to get this off my chest.
There
are professional options as well. Before my first hospitalization, I
called a grief hotline and I phoned the number for my employer’s
employee assistance program. One call helped, one didn’t. You can
expect some hits and some many
misses. One “well that was useless” experience shouldn’t be the
end of reaching out. (I know, I know...it’s hard to persevere when
you feel at your weakest. Take a break. Regroup. It’s worth it once
you finally find some relief, however small.) If you contact your
family doctor or go to the hospital, write out anything you can to
describe how you are struggling. Refer to your notes. Don’t skip
half of your points. It’s too easy to feel dismissed or to suddenly
minimize your own challenges when a professional phone call or
environment makes us feel like we’re taking up valuable time. (That
old “suck it up” notion creeps back in.)
Mental health has a long way to go in terms of funding and understanding. One positive to come from the coronavirus is that the spike in mental health problems in the “regular” population has meant that professionals are having to brush up on their knowledge of mental health symptoms, diagnoses, resources and approaches. Make them listen, too.
Know that you are not taking away from professionals’ time in dealing with the coronavirus. Obviously, there are physical health matters that must be addressed, but the mental health matters should be just as obvious. If that doesn’t seem apparent as you reach out, let me reiterate: make it apparent or reach out to someone capable of listening.
Take care of yourself.
2 comments:
While what you say may be true, people sitting in queue to meet with psychologists or receive some sort of therapy for issues prior to covid-19 are still in queue. Then more people experience shifts in their situation in the virus time, and the queue becomes longer and longer. People I know in these situations feel pretty helpless. In many ways, so do I.
But on a more direct note, when someone asks "How are you?", they often aren't ready for the truth, however bright or dark it is. I know from first hand.
I agree with you on both counts. I haven't had a significant session with a psychiatrist or psychologist since August 2019 and I'm fairly high up on the needs list. My only current support consists of calling in once every three months to get my meds renewed. To be sure, it also feels incredibly risky opening up about mental health struggles. I kept things to myself for far too many years.
I believe the pandemic is shining a brighter light on mental health because suddenly it's impacting a whole lot more people. Yes, it makes the waits longer, but it also underscores how much more medical professionals need in terms of training; further, I think the field will grow.
It's hard to do when people are at their lowest point, but there is a certain amount of self-advocacy that has to be learned. Very little happens without it. I remember running into an old friend the day I was discharged after my first hospitalization. We hadn't seen each other in a couple of years and, when he asked how I was doing, I told him I'd just gotten out of hospital after being acutely suicidal. I think I'd gotten to the point where I didn't care anymore what people thought. Covering up had done more harm. We grabbed a coffee and it was incredibly freeing. He continues to be a support and, in turn, he's looked to me to be an ear for an ex of his who, as it turns out, faces similar struggles to me. Peer supports have helped when professional resources weren't as available as they should be. They don't replace professional services by any means, but it helps to talk openly with people who have also struggled. I find connection from just a knowing nod across the table.
I have also had countless disappointing conversations with people who get uncomfortable, who oversimplify things by not listening enough and who offer unsolicited, unwelcome advice. So much of this is trial and error. The entire mental health field requires improvement. Still, no one can expect help if they don't ask for it.
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