IS THIS A "THANK U, NEXT" MOMENT?

Say it isn’t so.

And, if it is so, let me play ostrich. Let me bury my head in the sand.

Dammit, that’s not even how to play ostrich. Turns out they don’t do that. And why would they? As the first article from my Google search points out, this would make breathing difficult and be nonsensical since these birds can run forty miles per hour, leaving common enemies in the dust...er, sand.

So my lifetime image of a fearful, denial-prone ostrich has been shattered. I’ll deal with it. Right now I’m finding it challenging enough to deal with another potentially shattered image: that of Ellen DeGeneres.

Yep, I’m alarmed.

It seems things aren’t peachy keen behind the scenes of her talk show. She doesn’t allow staff to look at her. (Hmm,...I’ve heard that allegation made about Janet Jackson and Mariah Carey in the past. Why is this the go-to allegation when portraying a female celebrity as a diva?) But it’s worse, of course. You get sent home if she doesn’t like the way you smell and she prohibits people from eating meat. (Apparently WeWork banned meat a couple of years ago as part of a company environmental policy. Where do I apply? Banned or not, no fish in the office microwave. Ever.) People online are saying that it’s no secret that Ellen DeGeneres is the meanest person alive. Troubling.

But the allegations get worse. I’ve seen legal buzzworthy phrases; toxic work environment, sexual harassment. These things can’t be pushed aside. The producers, not Ellen, are accused of these more actionable offenses, but she is the public face for the show. This is serious stuff.

And Ellen has acknowledged that something is rotten in the state of DeGeneres, issuing a public apology to her staff.

More than just her show is on the line here.

To be clear, I’m not a fan of her talk show. I’ve tried to watch it a few times and I can’t stomach it. Too much time with Ellen dancing the way we do in our own living rooms. (Just because we do it, doesn’t make it entertainment.) The producers add in dopey game show-like segments and the interviews are pure fluff. I don’t need to spend an hour of my time each day—or even on a rare sick day—crashed on the couch waiting through prolonged commercial breaks to get an extra shot of someone who, until recently, has been regarded as the Queen of Nice.

Still, I have long respected Ellen. And many of us owe her a heap of gratitude. I suppose I first became aware of her as the star of the sitcom, “These Friends of Mine,” which premiered in March, 1994. The pilot episode was goofy, making me laugh as Ellen tried to get a better driver’s license photo. (Of course, the photo kept being snapped when she was least ready.) Nothing groundbreaking, to be sure, but it did its job, helping me wind down from a new job as an attorney in a Santa Monica law firm. I stuck with it as it changed its name to “Ellen,” never Must-See TV but something like comfort food. (Never knock the mashed potatoes!)

And then, “Ellen” had a moment. It was indeed a Must-See, as 42 million viewers tuned in to witness character Ellen Morgan come out on an episode that aired April 30, 1997. Two weeks earlier, 38-year-old Ellen DeGeneres graced the cover of Time magazine with the headline, “Yep, I’m Gay”.

It’s hard to overstate what the episode represented in terms of LGBTQ history. There had been other LGBTQ characters such as Jodie Dallas on “Soap,” Steven Carrington on “Dynasty,” Matt Fielding on “Melrose Place,” Nancy on “Roseanne,” Carol and Susan on “Friends”. For the most part, these characters were only recurring roles and/or had woefully undeveloped story lines. It was as if networks and producers were content with pushing a button or two. Look! Gay character! Aren’t we avant-garde!

Indeed, the financial risk was great. In 1989, when “thirtysomething” brought on two male characters (seemingly out of nowhere!) to go on a date and appear in bed together, the network, ABC, prohibited the actors from any physical contact. Still, it was risqué stuff. ABC lost $1.5 million in advertising money as sponsors pulled out.

On “Ellen” the lead character came out as gay, paving the way for shows like “Will & Grace,” “Queer as Folk” (both British and American versions), “The L Word” and a multitude of other shows that emerged as cable networks and web series vastly expanded viewing choices. For the coming out episode, J.C. Penney, Wendy’s and Chrysler pulled out as advertisers, but the show was celebrated with viewing parties supported by GLAAD and the Human Rights Campaign. By golly, Ellen was here and Ellen was queer!

Sadly, “Ellen” only lasted one more season. Personally, I felt that the show lost its funny as it struggled to present authentic issues about being newly out. As a trailblazer, it got lost in the weeds.

Ellen’s career sagged. No doubt, she paid a price for coming out. (Straight actress Laura Dern—a deserving Oscar winner this year—played the love interest on the renowned episode and couldn’t get another role for a year and a half.)

Four years later, Ellen returned to star in another sitcom, “The Ellen Show,” playing another lesbian character—from the outset, this time—who moves back home after her internet company goes bust. Despite having Cloris Leachman, Martin Mull and Jim Gaffigan in the cast, the show failed, lasting only half a season.

Six years after the hyped coming out of both the actress and her sitcom character, DeGeneres finally found success again in May 2003, voicing Dory in Disney’s Finding Nemo and following up in September with the debut of her long-running talk show.

It is undeniable that Ellen DeGeneres has done wonders to normalize being gay. For seventeen years, a lesbian has been warmly received in family rooms across North America, including in a lot of small towns and rural areas in red states. She talks openly about her wife, Portia, in the same way Regis used to talk about Joy and Kathie Lee went on about Frank. Regular stuff. I have no doubt that Ellen DeGeneres has been the first lesbian many viewers have “known”. And, up until the past few months, what a wonderful representative she has been.

This past week, in particular, people have come out with claws sharpened, gleeful to tear apart someone whose image seemed so squeaky clean. Gosh, people hate that sort of thing. Let the feeding frenzy begin! On a local morning radio station, I heard the deejays speak authoritatively about Ellen’s vacant eyes as guests chatted. On Twitter, she trended all weekend as cancel culture embraced hashtags like #Replace Ellen. The Mean Tweets would be ripe for a reading on Jimmy Kimmel if they weren’t so raw:

“I’m so happy that # EllenDeGeneres’ show is crashing into a ball of fire”;

“Ellen comes out as mean”;

“omg no one likes her. she’s rude to all her guest and asks inappropriate questions

like it’s a personality trait. truly a disgrace to all gays” [multiple sic]

“So...even #LGBT heroes can be assholes/bitches sometimes...interesting...”

This is the sort of commentary that comes in reaction to allegations that Ellen isn’t nice. Hmm…

And maybe it’s comments like the last one that make me most uncomfortable. We’ve come a long way from Ellen’s groundbreaking moment in 1997. Nothing can take away from the fact that she stepped up and out, risking her career to be truer to herself and, in the process, to help other people come out and find acceptance.

In a cold, harsh way, I suppose one could say she was served her purpose. Things are much different now, compared to 1997. But does that mean she gets cast aside? Such is already a natural process for aging celebrities and the normally brief Best Before dates for people in the entertainment business being “fresh”. She has lasted far longer than most. Still, why must we turn away? Why must there be so much glee in rejecting someone who once seemed so universally beloved? Does this say more about the callousness of society than the meanness of an individual?

I have no stakes on the continuation of a talk show that doesn’t interest me. But I do care about the legacy of working toward greater LGBTQ acceptance. Ellen DeGeneres is an integral part of that. Perhaps that is why I am willing to grant her more leeway than the average boss or celebrity who is called out for creating a hostile workplace. I’m also someone who tried to stick with Jussie Smollet from “Empire” until things just got too bizarre. Kevin Spacey? Just no.

There are indeed serious allegations from people who have worked on the show. While many of the harsher allegations (i.e., sexual harassment) directly involve producers, not Ellen herself, it is valid for people to intone that she knew or should have known. Conversely, I think it is plausible that she didn’t know (even though, yes, she should have). At some point, a talk show that goes on for seventeen years becomes something of a well-oiled machine. The host can basically phone it in. (Maybe her eyes are a tad vacant.) Everything gets sped up. Show up, do your thing, go home. No surprise that she would have minimal contact with staff by this point. Sad, perhaps, but quite likely.

Despite talk of her being the meanest person in show business, I still believe there’s a good person within. Maybe things got away from her. The only reason I’d like to see the show to continue with Ellen as the host is to see if she can make it right.

Our LGBTQ icons are flawed, as are we. I grew up loving Sir Elton John’s music and respecting him for speaking out as a gay man and raising oodles of money and awareness during the AIDS crisis, but I’ve also read about more than a few of his unflattering fits. Not great, but the good far outweighs the bad. I do believe he’s got a good heart. Same with Ellen.

Please don’t prove me wrong. If I have to bury my head, it’s hell getting all that sand out of my hair.