Friday, February 20, 2015

BLANK SPACE

Usually when a coffee date leads to a dead end, I rebound quickly. The natural void that is omnipresent pesters more when those reined in hopes—Maybe this time!—fade out. Maybe not. Again. It’s important to keep looking ahead, keep acting like I have a say in all this. Yes, this is my quest. I shall find that knight in shining armor. But, dammit, what’s with all these jokers in the deck?

I go back online. Who’s next? Eenie meenie…mine or Moe? So many Moes.

Every so often, the waters run dry in the Plenty of Fish pool and there are no arrows to shoot on OkCupid. This is one of those times. All the faces are too familiar. Pass, pass, pass. Not a spark, not even an inkling. It’s the dead zone.

Yes, it’s over. I’ve finally exhausted every possibility. It’s the gay apocalypse. There are no more men. No viable single gay men, at least.

Done.

Time for incessant rounds of solitaire. I may hone my card shuffling skills. Perhaps I can take on a part-time evening gig at a casino. How else can I fill my time?

I’ve got some jigsaw puzzles in the guest bedroom closet. Who cares if there are missing pieces? I’ve got time to make replacements. And it’s been a while since I’ve had a Sudoku marathon. It’s uncanny how the hours pass while staring at square grids and focusing on nine digits. Really, who needs a man?

Thirty-eight days until I move back to Vancouver. I can start a tally on the wall in my rural cell. Perhaps when I become a free man—an urban gent!—there will be options beyond the click-and-frown online world. I can believe that. For now, I can tell myself that. Reality remains far enough at bay.

 

 

3 comments:

oskyldig said...

I'm glad that you came to the conclusion that there are people that exist outside the internet dating realm.

Some of us don't fit the moulds that society or communities put forth for us; it doesn't mean that we don't exist and march to the beat of our own drum!

Rick Modien said...

This is a breather, RG. Just a breather.

Everything is happening exactly as it should. No more eligible men you're interested on the online sites? Then it's time to look forward to other possibilities, to get ready for them.

I love the "urban gent" image. I see you as that. And what an urban gent you'll be.

Your life will be so different when you move to Vancouver. I hope you're ready for it.

Rural Gay said...

Oskyldig, as long as I've lived in a more remote area, online dating has been my only option. Where I live, possible sightings of single gay men do not happen even once a month. I kid you not!

Yes, Rick, life will be different in Vancouver. I look forward to that. But some things will be the same. My shyness will, unfortunately, come with me. (I'm trying to sell it off in one of these upcoming garage sales, but I doubt there will be a taker--even if I shove it in the FREE pile.)

Online is easy. No immediate risk of rejection. No uncontrollable armpit sweating. No facial impersonation of a tomato.

I will have lots of work to do once I'm in Vancouver in terms of building new friendships...and maybe, hopefully, something more!