Thursday, April 19, 2012


What makes a good match? About two months ago, I signed up for another online dating website,, feeling that a moratorium was in effect at Plenty of Fish. (Not that overfishing ever occurred, but stocks were clearly depleted.)

Sad to say, the prospects at are even less promising. Still, once or twice a week, the site generates a list of possible matches for me. I get an email, suggesting that I take a look at GnomeLover49’s profile and pointing out some commonalities in our profile.

Like you, he is a non-smoker.
He also goes to the gym.
He also likes to travel.

Wow. I know I’ve said in the past that I’d just be relieved if the guy breathes, applies deodorant and washes his hands after urinating—yeah, I know, that last expectation eliminates a lot of guys, but it’s a non-negotiable. A non-smoking, gym-visiting traveler? Jackpot!

Or maybe not. How much should a date or a potential partner and I have in common? When I was new to dating, I genuinely thought there was great potential because the slightly inebriated guy chatting me up also liked a song by Ce Ce Peniston. (Sadly, neither the guy nor Ce Ce lived up to their potential.) In retrospect, I was probably slightly inebriated too...and a little too smitten by the guy’s high cheekbones. On another occasion, I felt a spark with a guy because we had a two-minute sharing about our dislike for Geraldo Rivera. Another time, I got excited because a guy with thick, curly brown locks liked all the Golden Girls. Even Dorothy!

I was surprised—no, shocked!—that none of these relationships lasted longer than, well, a night. In those days before cell phones, I’d rush into my apartment, unimpressed by my unblinking answering machine. Blankety blank. Seems some people don’t immediately think in terms of for better or worse and happily ever after. And so began my jaded period.

In time, however, I changed my perspective on what to look for in a potential mate. Maybe having things in common didn’t matter at all. I told myself that it was about mutual respect. Understanding and accepting the differences was more important than liking Savage Garden and “Murphy Brown”. I decided to embrace differences. Let my guy be a Hulk Hogan enthusiast. Listen as he rambles on about how Ross Perot would have been a fine U.S. president. Allow him to waste his Sundays watching golf on television. I’d love him, warts and all.

With a fresh new outlook, I hooked up with a guy who quit a successful career in real estate and moved into a camper trailer while training to become a personal life coach. Next, I dated a guy who’d found his spark after joining a women’s knitting club. During each date he’d spoil me with a special gift, a small hand-crafted knit square—actually something between a square and a circle--, lovingly rendered in a shade of my favorite color, green. I never figured out what to do with the quasi coasters so I shoved them in a shoebox where I keep the latch-hook bookmarks I received from a nun I used to know.

Okay, sometimes differences are just too, um, different. Seems I’ve spent too much time on the far reaches of the pendulum. As I’ll share in my next post regarding my latest dating adventure, having at least one core interest or belief in common can at least provide a solid base. And if he can name at least one CeCe Peniston song, well then, bonus points!


Rick Modien said...

Cute. But, man, I was waiting for something more with this post. Like, how are you and the new fellow doing? I guess we'll have to wait a little longer. I look forward to Part II.

I see from a comment you recently left on the previous post that you're going out to the ballet together this Friday. And you've been on four dates so far (or Friday will be your fourth?). That's great. I have to assume this is a good sign. Still early, I realize, but...

By the way, I have the May/June issue of "WD," but I didn't see your article in it. Is this the issue it was supposed to appear in, or is it coming in a future issue? Just wondering.

Have fun on Friday. I'll be thinking of you.

Rural Gay said...

Hi Rick,
It's hard to post a fully honest entry about a new dating scenario. If it's disastrous, no problem. The guy will never know about my blog so I can be completely real. It's trickier when there could be potential. If I write about any reservations, the person might be offended once I show him the blog. "What do you mean you weren't completely gaga over me?!"

Still, I will update matters shortly.

As for the WD article, they have not indicated which issue, but said it would be soon. My followup email went unanswered so things are uncertain at this point--kind of like so many aspects of my life! Fingers crossed, eyes open...