I have bought a lot of books I’ve never read. Someday, I tell myself. If only I’d stop placing holds on books at the public library. I tend to have unread newspaper articles that linger as well, less now that I’ve stopped forking over $12 Canadian for the Sunday New York Times. It’s become a treat instead of a habit. My coffee table is much less cluttered.
Even so, I came across an article in my desk drawer yesterday. It’s from August 19, 2021. I’d never read it, but I hung onto it anyway—a tempting read; one that might lead to trouble. It’s called, “Lifted Necks, and Other Upgrades for Guys.” Basically, it’s about men having work done to “improve” their looks. I finally read it this morning.
Botox. Fillers for cheeks and jawline. Em-Sculpt (to tone abs). Laser treatments to remove sunspots. Buttock lifts. Breast reduction for men. A nose raise with fillers. Eyelid surgery. Liposuction. Neck tightening.
It’s all there.
What surprised me most was the ages of the men interviewed in the article. I actually laughed when I read about a 27-year-old having “Botox as a preventive.” What?! What will this guy be doing when he hits my age, 61?
Most of the article was not at all funny. I should readily dismiss the entire topic. I should take into account the professions of several of these guys—a personal trainer, a social media influencer, a public relations executive. Their appearance is part of their brand. I should also think about that woman who was nicknamed Catwoman for having too much work done. As well, I can conjure up several celebrities who look like they went too far. My L’Oréal eye cream may not be doing any good but at least it’s not doing damage.
Still, I actually read with interest. Like I said, tempting. I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 17. I have body dysmorphia which causes me to obsess over perceived imperfections. The first body part I ever wanted altered was my elbows. I was probably twelve. I hadn’t come to terms with the fact that elbows, when the arm is fully extended, are ugly on everyone. Seriously. They’re just a weird body part. What would one do if they received an elbow compliment? You’re mocking me, right?
One common behaviour of people with eating disorders is body checking. Not the hockey move but the repeated looking in mirrors and the reflections in windows. It’s about fear, not vanity. It arises from, How bad do I look? rather than, How good do I look? For more than a decade—probably much more—I’ve also been body checking by looking at other men’s bellies. I basically notice every single one. I compare them to mine. It’s my own theory of relativity. In relation to other men, how bad is my stomach? Guys without any gut protruding over the waistline of their pants make me panic. They remind me I’m not good enough. Guys with “beer bellies” calm me. I know I’m somewhere in between and, if I could ever be objective, I might be able to admit my stomach doesn’t protrude.
Or does it? Cue panic once again.
Most of the procedures mentioned in the article are not of interest to me. Even as messed up as I am about my looks, I won’t become a plastic surgeon’s cash cow. I’m not one for invasive procedures. Hell, I have a requisition for bloodwork that’s been sitting on my desk for a month now. It takes a perfect kind of day, including a ton of self-talk, to get me to go for a blood test. I have a severe needle phobia. It’s a thing: trypanophobia. It’s listed in my medical file. One of my medical providers even typed on the requisition form (not at my request): “Please ensure accuracy. Patient has a needle phobia and we do not want to risk repeated lab visits.” Amen.
Botox involves needles. Egad. How would I handle that? Maybe the wrinkles on my forehead and the sags under my eyes aren’t so bad.
When people talk about plastic surgery, they talk about going “under the knife.” It probably comes as no surprise knives freak me out, too. Add on the fact that a needle probably has to be administered first for a local or general anesthetic. (I’m having a hard time typing these sentences. My wrists are hurting. I am not kidding. Yes, I am a sad case. I know this.)
I will not be making any appointments this week for what the article alternatingly referred to as “tweakments,” a “cosmetic refresh,” or “wellness routines.” Words like torture, horror and extreme trauma do not appear in the article. Talk about skewed reporting!
I will admit that a couple of procedures have some appeal: the butt lift and whatever is required to avoid what one man in the article called “extreme turkey neck.” Yes, I don’t want to be Turtleneck Guy. Not in the summer when it gets above 30°C.
But not for now. Maybe when I have to go under for a root canal. Let there be a single anesthetic as the oral surgeon and plastic surgeon work in tandem.
For some reason, I can’t throw away the article. It’s going back in the drawer. I’ve read it, but I may want to read it again as sagginess becomes more of my reality. Who knows what may happen?...Someday.
No comments:
Post a Comment