A SHIFTING STAR

Thanks, Zac.

 

Every so often, a celebrity gets real. Jamie Lee Curtis poses without makeup and editorial touchups. Selena Gomez shows her “real stomach” on TikTok. Anna Kendrick discusses an abusive relationship. Sometimes these buzzy interviews and articles don’t even coincide with a new movie or album that needs promotion. 

 

Mr. Efron made news last week after CNN lifted a few quotes from a Men’s Health interview. The brief CNN piecenoted that the actor was “currently bulking up for an unnamed role.” If this was supposed to be part of a publicity tour, the producers and his agent must have bruised noggins from repeated head banging. Are readers primed to run out and see Zac Efron in Unnamed Role in an as yet untitled movie/play/TV show/antacid commercial? Even if I were a Zac fan (I’m not, I swear), I wouldn’t have a clue what to input on my phone calendar. Perhaps Mr. Efron had nothing better to do between bulking up tasks than to sit down or Zoom in for a chat with some very persistent reporter. 

 

Efron contends that his ultra-muscled body seen in a “Baywatch” movie from 2017 is unattainable. Technically, it was attainable, at least by Efron, likely with assistance from a full-time personal trainer and perhaps a personal chef. Plus, getting into shape for his role as a studly lifeguard was his job. It was his primary means of preparation. To do so, he got paid more than most of us will earn in a decade or two. Still, he said, "There's just too little water in the skin. Like, it's fake; it looks CGI'd."

 

It didn’t seem that Efron was gloating and doing some version of Superior Dance à la The Church Lady from SNL. The message was that his coveted body came at too great a cost. Efron noted that he ate the same food three times a day. He took diuretics in addition to fitness training and noted that his regimen led to sleep difficulties, depression and other problems that lasted for six months after he let up from his silver screen-primed bod. Technically attainable but ludicrous to strive for. Efron seemed to give the quest a thumbs down. 

 

Cover boy Efron in 2012.

Something told me, as a responsible blogger who nonetheless gets paid nothing for his thoughts, I should go to the original source. I hesitated. Men’s Health is unhealthy for me. The incarnation of the magazine I knew always sported a buff, hypermasculine male model on the cover along with promoted articles about Ten Exercises to Lose the Flab and “easy,” “quick” ways to get washboard abs.  (They’ve apparently changed the cover format in recent years, opting for a celebrity shot of Michael B. Jordan, Kumail Nanjiani or Mark Wahlberg in hopes their fans and oglers will scoop up drugstore copies.) Back in the day, I probably bought an issue a time or two. 

 

Easy abs? I’m in!

 

More often, I’d browse through a copy left behind at the laundromat or sitting on a table at the hair salon as my highlights were setting. (So far from being hypermasculine!) I never subscribed. I really wasn’t the target reader for “5 Ways to Hone Your Triceps While Using a Chainsaw.” But then, was anyone? I suspect guys with chainsaws wouldn’t touch a magazine with a himbo on the cover. Subscribers were probably desperate teen guys in Chess Club while newsstand copies got scooped up by gay men and straight women seeking a little titillation during the flight from Denver to Omaha.

 

I earnestly read/viewed a few of the articles. The thought of getting Popeye biceps from a ten-minute daily routine enticed me. Same with the pitch for defined pecs and deltoids that dazzle. Men’s Health did for me what all those diet books did for women. It appealed to my insecurities. It pestered, beckoned and lured. 

 

Psst. Hey you, flawed person. Sucks, right? 

 

I’ve got a fix for you. Buy me. You gotta invest if you want results. 

 

Might as well have bought snake oil, chucked a couple quarters in the wishing well and rubbed the belly of a Buddha statue. I wasn’t going to get shirtless selfie-worthy abs no matter how many minutes or days I spent doing the five exercises the model demonstrated in the magazine spread. (That’s not how he got them either.) All Men’s Health did for me was reinforce that my body was substandard, that it would always need more work, that I was some outlier who couldn’t achieve results from following a clear routine that was practically GUARANTEED to transform a typical dude. 

 

In offering false hope, the magazine contributed to my eating disorder behaviors—less food, more exercise. No doubt, it has exacerbated other men’s body dysmorphia, too. What you’ve got is never good enough. The body could always use more hulk and bulk, more honing and toning. 

 

Thankfully, I was able to pull the full article online without having to browse the rest of the issue. Efron’s message isn’t as enlightened as CNN led me to believe. He’s still a slave to strict exercise and food intake practices. Even the CNN article hinted at this by including this comment after Efron knocked what he viewed as extreme practices:  "I much prefer to have an extra, you know, 2 to 3 percent body fat." Gosh, three percent body fat. Now that’s attainable!

 

Efron is still a slave to his past image. His pre-production preparation for his unspecified upcoming project consists of “bulking up.” He’s not sitting home and embracing a muffin-top midriff while watching “Real Housewives” marathons as he chows down on packages of Little Debbie’s Mini Donuts and spoon-feeds himself pints of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. (Surely, the word “chunky” would scare him off.) He continues to make a living from being buff, most likely continuing to have a personal trainer and answering to a pesky agent and producers who demand to see his daily food and exercise journals. Efron is a commodity to them. 

 

A portion of the interview was conducted at a steakhouse and the writer mentions that Efron split a filet mignon, a “seafood tower” and a “Japanese A5 Wagyu steak.” Sorry, a meal of donuts and ice cream seems more conventional.

 

Efron is not going to ever be a role model for guys battling body dysmorphia.  

 

People online tried to shame Efron 
a couple of years ago for his
supposed "dad bod," seen on 
the right. Utterly ridiculous.

But it’s still something that he admits that his movie-perfect body is both unrealistic and comes with damaging consequences. Maybe that is enough to give a few guys obsessing over their bodies a tiny jolt. Maybe they’ll cut themselves some slack. Have a croissant, take a day off from the gym or at least cut a few sets. Go for dinner with a friend and order something off the menu that sounds tasty even if it isn’t high in protein. Maybe even split an appetizer—fully loaded nachos. 

 

I’m too entrenched with my own unhealthy, extremes ways of exercising, eating and thinking about my body, but there’s hope for vulnerable twenty-somethings who feel inferior from seeing actors like Efron in movies like “Baywatch” and from seeing the stream of shirtless selfies posted by gym rats on Twitter. 

 

Stop sucking in your stomach for photos. Live a little. Let go a little. Just breathe. Just be.