For 2022, I decided to shake things up a bit. I’ve spent much of my adulthood being single and much of that time wondering if life might be better with a partner by my side. Splitting the heating bill, if nothing else, has a certain allure. Generally speaking, I’m okay now with being alone. Still, there’s this annoying inner voice that sometimes pipes up, saying, “Even though your heating bill is pretty low, would falling in love be such a bad thing?” Okay, inner voice, just to shut you up—there are probably meds for that—I decided to consider new dating sites where Mr. Right may have been waiting for me all this time. As I previously blogged, I looked into joining Silver Singles, a site for people over fifty. (Maybe I can put off buying that Porsche to woo some sweet thing who’s twenty-four.)
Here’s an update on my Silver Singles adventures:
Okay, so I went ahead and bought a membership after three weeks of having some sort of basic membership that presumably didn’t allow me to do anything. I didn’t actually check into it. I didn’t feel like my dating life was going to suddenly, um…exist.
I got daily messages from the site. The people who manage the Silver Singles site are very excitable. They love exclamation marks!
Visitor alert! Find out whose interest you sparked
There love alerts, too.
Your partner suggestions – make your first move!
There’s a rocket ship emoji between “move” and their preferred punctuation. Ooh! Are they trying to match me with a rocket scientist? That would justify the exclamation mark.
Your new match: meet Happy69 from Victoria!
This is a match? Why would I want to meet a guy over fifty who still chooses 69 as his “random” number? He probably snorts when a bartender asks him if he wants nuts. Or a cocktail. I just can’t.
Take a glimpse at your new partner suggestions!
No rocket this time. The emoji face has hearts where the eyes are supposed to be. I find that a little creepy…and anatomically incorrect.
Your search for a partner is in your hands!
Awkward. Are they saying masturbating is my only hope or am I supposed to get my palm read? (Happy69 from Victoria would think this is a riot.)
Start your love story today!
This time the little icon is a black heart. That doesn’t bode well, does it? Or is Joan Jett into me?
Your new match: meet Tiberio from Mississauga!
Tiberio lives 4,355 kilometers away from me. I see potential!
Russell seems to be interested in your profile!
Creepy heart eyes again. And what’s with “seems”? I think I could get clearer info from that palm reader.
Frank uploaded a photo!
Well, this is big. Yay, Frank! Master of the selfie. My interest is piqued. After three weeks on this site, Frank’s photo uploading is big enough news to warrant a notification, with an exclamation mark, no less.
I clicked. Frank, who’s 54 and lives in Burlington, Ontario—4,325 kilometers away from me—has no visible photo. Instead, I’m supposed to click where it says, “Ask for photo.” Methinks Frank is a little too shy or just a tease. Not going there. But, I might suggest to Silver Singles that they try to connect Tiberio from Mississauga with Frank from Burlington. They live 39 kilometers apart. I’m no rocket scientist, but I think that’s a more reasonable match suggestion.
Silly me, trying to factor reason into a quest for love. This is why I have to pay for a membership on a dating site.
Oh, Silver Singles, you’ve got me. Well played. I’ve got six months of exclamatory alerts to look forward to.
1 comment:
Hilarious. Lots of good laughs in this one, especially about Happy69. Ha!
Seems like quite the online dating site. Not!
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